He was tall, muscular, successful, smart, and knew how to throw back witty words at me. I remember the first time I was meeting him for a date; I tried everything I had in my closet TWICE and still couldn’t find anything to wear. #GLAMProblems
When I finally picked out a cute yellow top with some light blue skinny jeans and some cute beige heels, I felt ready for the date! Once I was inside the restaurant, which was crazy crowded, I texted him “Here” and when I heard my name called out loud in a sea of people, I looked up and smiled- there he was….I felt THIS was going to be an AWESOME date!
It ended up being a fun time....but two months later...I found out he was not the diamond I thought he was, just a handsome dud. These are the tricky ones, because they can really throw us off, especially if we have areas in ourselves that are off.
You see, back then I was over the top in looking “perfect” for my dates. I placed WAY TOO MUCH focus on my outside appearance, instead of reminding myself that what really mattered was if I would be able to convey to this man the beauty that I had on the inside in layers.
Of course we should treasure our temples and take care of them, because that is what our bodies are -- but that does not comprise of ALL that we are. I placed too much emphasis on my outside appearance and allowed him to only see me as that. This very short lived relationship ended because it was shallow and built on physical attraction alone. Now of course you have to be attracted to someone physically, but in order to grow that attraction and connection, it has to be deeper than that.
I know in my early twenties I was obsessed in keeping my six pack and running 3 extra miles on the treadmill if I had a donut. I was a little obsessive about my weight-and a few weeks back I shared on instagram the eating disorder I had developed at 16 all the way to my early twenties.
Wounds and past trauma can cause us to feel helpless in those situations so usually the first thing we do is try to create a sense of control in our world. Usually the easiest way to start is controlling everything that goes in our body. Needless to say, my self worth was shattered at that time in my life, so in many ways I felt that the only thing I was “good at” was looking as perfect as possible. It was a very dark prison for me from 16-23.
I feel the best way to get on your level is get on the level of everything that does NOT convey “perfection” and this is what I was. You see, I was also trying to find myself worth in the wrong ways and men were also involved with that, as I had major “Daddy Issues” thrown in this whole pot too.
MESS ATTRACTS MESS If you’re trying to get a guy to fill some hole in your heart from a wound in the past this places you in the category that I was “A MESS” and unless you want to attract MESS you need to have the courage to look inside yourself and see what needs to come out and clear it out.
It’s not easy, which is why most don’t do it, but being a GLAM GIRL means we don’t allow the past to define us, only design us. We can’t allow that to happen unless we have that GLAM courage to take a peak on the inside and see what’s causing all the reasons for why we keep dating duds.
For me, it was a mixture of 4 different traumatic experiences that happened to me when I was in grade school and then High School that shattered my self-worth, which is why I based my value on my outside appearance and trying to get attention from guys in the wrong ways. I was selling myself short.
All I can do is have compassion for that girl I used to be, because she was a broken girl that needed a lot of healing... Thank God she got it. It’s scary and you have to be very courageous to look inside yourself after a certain point when every date ends up going bad…relationship after relationship….
You begin to wonder, “what’s wrong with me?” “Am I not enough?”
SO MUCH OF THE TIME WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE WANT If you don’t know where to aim your arrow, it will just go anywhere, usually completely missing your target all together. Dating is what we are using in this example, but you can apply this to every area of your life: if you don’t know what your target is you will miss it every time.
You must point your arrow with intention in the direction you desire. When we don’t know what we want we’ll just settle for any guy that gives us attention. That’s NOT how a GLAM GIRL dates, so like I would say to my younger self, “Quit selling yourself short, Girl!”