I struggle with this, you do- we All do-setting boundaries.😫
Think about it like this, if you went to the gym once, could you expect to be super fit?
It’s a daily effort to push a little harder and get a little stronger with each time.
It’s the exact way with our minds; we have to strengthen it daily with the INTENTION to make our minds stronger, by reading or listening to something positive, or it can become fat and flabby, just like our bodies.🤭
So I have a little story to tell you first....
This summer I’m attending a big party, so yes, many people will be there-even someone who I’d prefer not to have to see.
Now as I’ve shared before, sometimes people you’re related to can be the ones that hurt you the most, especially if you don’t know how to use your SPARKLE Shield successfully.
We all know what a Toxic Tiffany looks like and if you don’t, just ask yourself this one question, “When I’m around _______ does she make me feel happy and at ease or anxious and uncomfortable?”
Your Inner SPARKLE will let you know.✨TRUST ME.😉
So back to my story……
I was on the phone recently with a relative and come to find out, she told me a certain member was spreading a falsity about me and to make matters worse, people I love actually believed it, until I set them straight.
Since you, nor I, allow disrespect from ANYONE, family or not, sometimes we have to do what I’ve done. You have to block them from your phone and social media, because if you don’t they will continue to send you manipulative and demeaning texts, again Toxic Tiffany showing up.🥺
That being said, I did indeed block this person, as they’ve been extremely emotionally and verbally abusive to me.
When I first heard what the rumor was, part of my blood began to boil as I’m thinking, “WHY can’t they leave me alone? WHY do they always have to start something? WHY are they obsessed in trying to constantly hurt me?
Then it hit me…..
Hurt people, hurt other people.
You can only give to others what you have inside. If you only have jealousy, bitterness, anger, and hurt inside, you will only be able to give jealousy, bitterness, anger, and hurt to someone else.
It’s easier to say this than to be the person experiencing it.
Trust me, I know.
But then, something comforting happens. When you allow the pain to subside, you realize you are stronger inside than they EVER will be. You learn to not only pity them, but pray for them, because they’re the ones that need it the most. 💗
I get it, it’s hard to pray for those who hurt you and send love their way-but here’s the deal, although they’re hateful towards you and that’s their standard, it’s NOT your standard!
As a GLAM GIRL, remember, the “K” in SPARKLE is “Kindness Is Her Strength” and that doesn’t mean we’re only kind to those who are kind to us.
It means our standard is KINDNESS to EVERYONE, even the ones that have hurt us, because that’s the standard WE hold ourselves to.
It’s in these moments that you can learn MORE about yourself than you did before, because this is when our true SPARKLE shines through.
CREATING MY TRIGGER LIST
I have my Trigger List on my phone so I can refer to it when needed... Knowing who you need to use your SPARKLE Shield on, sets you up for success. You gotta know who you’re facing in battle to win the war.
THE THREE CATEGORIES ON MY LIST
Some people trigger me more than others, so knowing who does it from a standpoint of low, medium, and high helps me know what kind of SPARKLE Shield Armor I need to wear, so I can protect myself more.
This means that the people in this category on occasion get you a little irritated or annoyed, causing you to lose your cool from time to time.
This means that the people in this category get you irritated or annoyed usually 50/50 of the time you talk with them. Usually it’s because they can have a very dominant personality and/or can be very stubborn in seeing someone else’s point of view.
This means that the people in this category pull out your “worst self” when you’re around them. You feel anxious when you’re around them, you find yourself raising your voice when talking to them. Your heart rate goes up.
You feel they find pleasure in picking on you and going as low as to even trying to get others to gang up on you with them. These are the people that have usually spread false rumors about you in the past, and really, there is nothing positive that comes out when you’re around them. NOTHING.
Why You Want To Avoid “High Point” People
The people on your “High Point” list are a description of what a Narcissistic and an Emotionally Abusive person looks like. Not only are they highly toxic to be around, they get fueled by hurting others.
They are big manipulators and will even try to guilt trip you into doing something because they know how to prey on your weaknesses. It’s sad and they will be judged later, but your job is to not judge them, but accept that “this” is who they are and there’s nothing you can do about it, other than protect yourself from them the best you can and keeping a distance from them.
Start By Blocking First
This does two things: first, it communicates to them you’re no longer allowing them to disrespect you, because you value yourself too much. Secondly, it protects you from getting any hurtful and demeaning messages they can send you if they have the ability to do so. You have to cut the cord of all possible contact with them.
How To Handle Being In Situations Where You Will See Them
If you’re going to be forced to be in a situation where you’re going to have to share the air you both breathe, like this family reunion we’re both going to be attending this summer, this is what you do:
✅Stay surrounded by the people there that DO love, respect, and value who you are.
✅Never allow yourself for them to have access with you alone, this is where they attack.
✅If they try to start trying to come up and talk to you, by faking “nice” you say right away, “Excuse me” and you walk away.
✅If they continue to try and talk to you, possibly causing a scene, get someone you trust, tell them what’s going on, and have THEM take care of the person.
✅You don’t lose your composure at all, because you are letting this person see they no longer have any control over you. Even if you have to fake a smile in the moment around them, they need to see your strength at ALL times.
✅Leave as soon as you can appropriately leave without it coming off that you’re “fleeing from the scene”. If you’ve paid your respects and have had the chance to see those there you wanted to see, you are free to leave.
✅Do not explain where you’re going. If you’re leaving, all you gotta do is say you have somewhere you need to be, that’s enough because your words are enough. You are enough. The moment you catch yourself explaining, you are diminishing your worth in the words you’ve already given. They are enough. Period.
HOW TO STRENGTHEN YOUR SPARKLE SHIELD EVEN MORE
Choosing to forgive these people DAILY allows you to be FREE from them. Holding on only hurts you. Trust me.
This is what I do that helps me every day I do it:
1. (Name) I forgive you
2. I release you
3. I free you
Saying their name out loud quietly to ourselves is a MUST as power is held in their name over us.
The more we say it in this forgiveness exercise, the more we weaken the bonds their name has over us, and eventually ALL together. But you MUST do this daily and the more you do it the less they will have the ability to hurt you.
Forgiveness is not a once time thing, it’s a daily thing.
STAY SPARKLING this week and don’t let your invisible crown fall because you're a GLAM GIRL and that means you SPARKLE
She is born to shine
Princess with a purpose
Always wearing her invisible crown
Royalty is her identity, respect is her birthright
Kindness is her strength
Leading the way for girls today
Excited to spread the GLAM message
Your GLAM GIRL